Truth About Relationships 

Should You Stay And Work It Out Or Leave? 

 

  The word love – what does it mean to you? How do you know that you’re even in love? Do you feel “stuck” like your relationship isn’t going no where? Maybe your relationship right now may feel like it might be over? Do you stick around to see if your lover will change or do you feel like it’s time to move on and/or stay and maybe work things out?

  Being in love actually makes your lover seem more attractive, more desirable, more intelligent, and it’s hard to stay constantly mad at them.. That feeling of falling in love – the butterfly feeling in your tummy, you’re head over heels madly in love with your partner – but maybe for all the wrong reasons?? Sometimes you might find yourself going back to your ex – for what ever reasons or maybe you just started a brand new relationship and you can’t seem to move on from your ex – if so this is called a “rebound”.. Don’t confuse love with a “rebound relationship”, because rebounds are not based on love.. Most of the time people that move on or start a brand new relationship – they’re scared to be alone.. Clearly you’re not emotionally involved with your new partner when you may feel like your heart still belongs to your ex.. Sometimes you think and/or feel like you should hold on to whatever you had and/or shared, whether it was time that you invested into the relationship or feelings, maybe you stay because of the children (if any). Sometimes we stay not for all the “right reasons” but for all the “wrong reasons” – because you’re deeply “invested” in the relationship – whether it’s money, emotions, control, afraid of being alone, children, even time and years.. You may feel like there is no way out and this is the only answer and/or your only option…

  People will do this… They will try to make the “very best” that they possibly can out of the relationship even when it’s going to hell, and endure the abuse, the arguing, financial problems, just to find some kind of an “excuse” to just stay – because they have this false “hope” that one day things will magically get better and the pain will go away… Sadly this way of thinking will only continue to bring up the past and will always bring long term pain for you both… There should be more happiness in a relationship than sadness.. If all your lover does is make you mad or sad or makes you feel “unwanted” or makes you question anything and everything.. It’s probably time to move on and leave them.. period…

If you’re in a relationship that seems to be going no where, perhaps it’s time to move on or possibly stay and work things out.. Here is FIVE signs to know and understand when it’s time to “move on” from a relationship or “stay” – this also includes so called friendships..

1. Controlling

  Understanding that if you’re in a controlling type of relationship right now, yeah it’s time to leave no questions about it.. Just get it out NOW.. Love isn’t about control! Love is about appreciation – not control.. Ever feel like you’re their door mat – and they step on you to go places?? Maybe they use you for your money or for transportation? Know when it’s time to move on.. When your lover tries to tell you who you can and can’t talk to or who can and can’t look out at or who you can and can’t hang out with – it’s time to “leave”.. Checking in on each other is perfectly ok – just seeing how their day is going or their morning is going.. It begins to become a major problem when your lover can’t respect your privacy – they may want to know or see who it is that your calling or texting they may even ask for your password to your phone and emails – they keep asking what you’re doing or where you are at and/or where are you going.. Clearly your partner is trying to be in control they feel the need to be in control of the relationship which leaves no room for a life outside of the relationship which is needed to maintain your individuality.. Remember you have the power to go anywhere you want to go – you don’t own each other – the power to call who you want, hang out with who you want, text who you want – to an extent that isn’t crossing the line and/or cheating but at the same time being respectful.. The beautiful thing about life is that you don’t have to stay where you currently are – if you’re not happy. Happiness is a “choice”, not a result.. Nothing will make you happy until you choose to be happy. No person will make you happy until you decide to be happy.. Your happiness will not come to you, it can only come from you..

2. Competition With One Another

  Do you find yourselves competing with one another? love isn’t a race it’s not about who is better than who or who is the better cook or who makes more money or who has the better job – it’s about “supporting” each other, helping each other grow, being a “team” and working on things together – not competing with each other because sometimes EGO can destroy a healthy relationship.. Being in a relationship is a “partnership”, so you have to learn to compromise.. If you don’t feel happy about their success and their not happy about your success – it’s probably time to move on.. Relationships isn’t about a beautiful wedding, a nice home, cute kids, nice cars, how many vacations you take, or what you post on social media, and a white picket fence.. Relationships is the hospital stays, the working long hours, fighting through the struggles, the good days and the bad days, setting up life insurance, paying bills along with any financial problems – just keeping the “faith” and staying together through it all..

“A real relationship is the one where your love for your partner is much higher than your ego. Where your understanding of each others feelings is greater than your conflicts. Where your emotional bonding is so strong that the fights can not survive for longer than a few minutes. Where there is so much intimacy, honesty and freedom that there is no room for jealousy. Where you respect each others personal space and where there is no space for a third person to come in between. A real relationship is the one where you treasure and treat each others heart as your own. A real relationship is not a struggle for control, domination and/or power. It is a struggle for making your bond stronger and stronger each day with more love, more peace, and more harmony. A real relationship is where both partners get inner peace just by being with each other and where all their conflicts and fights and beautiful moments end up in each others arms” 

3. The Relationship Is Interfering With A Major Life Goal.

  Is it your life’s mission to become an astronaut, but your partner refuses to move to Mars with you? Maybe you want to travel and your partner rather stay at home on TikTok? You might both be holding each other back – you want to explore the world while your parnter wants to do everything without you.. This is nobody’s “fault”, and sometimes this issue is resolvable with compromise or some creative planning. However, if something important to you is always on the “back-burner” because of your partner’s needs and wants, then “resentment” will slowly start to build in you. Maybe you want to start a business and your partner thinks it’s a stupid idea and it won’t work – but like always they continue to do what they love? Maybe you want to settle down and start a family but your partner isn’t ready for that type of commitment? The truth is sometimes you cant trust anyone not even the love of your life.. Sometimes people change for the better and some change for the worst. Sometimes your relationship will be a battle and trust me it will feel like an all out war at times, and it’s in those moments where – the true colors start to show.. Can you say that you gave up everything so that your partner or loved one could succeed in their life? Maybe they were in school finishing up their  “career choice” and you gave up everything because in the back of your mind you honestly thought your partner was doing that for the “both of you”? Unfortunately, marriages do end and so does relationships and couples do break up sadly – yes it happens.. Please don’t ever fall victim in your “current” or “future” relationship, and what I mean is never allow yourself to “rely” on your partner or “other people”.. But if you can’t take care of yourself how are you going to love and take care of others, let alone your loved one? I know a lot of people will hate me right about now – but it’s the honest truth! 80% of relationships you and your partner one of you make more money also known as the “bread maker” in the relationship, or one of you stays home and one of you don’t.. Am I correct? Maybe you two share the same bank account but only one of you contributes to it, while one of you has a spending problem? Communication is key! Be real, be honest, always communicate with each other about any current and future relationship expectations and goals.. Keep learning, keep growing!!

4. You’re Not “Genuinely” Happy to See Your Partner.

  You may be afraid of being alone or you may even genuinely love your partner, but put those thoughts aside for a moment. Whenever you see your special someone, are you happy to see them? Do you feel joy, or relief, or at least a pleasant sense of familiarity? Do they make your day brighter? On the other hand, does it seem like a room darkens when your partner walks in? Do you get stressed out when you see them? Do they seem to suck the happiness right out of you the moment when they show up? We all have our bad days, bad weeks, and bad moments, but if your partner doesn’t consistently add some kind of joy and excitement to your life, then there’s something seriously wrong. You may be holding onto the idea of the relationship in spite of the fact that you don’t like being there or in it anymore. “Things change”. “People change”. If the feelings are no longer there, it’s time to move on. Some of you might linger on in a relationship even though the feelings are gone. Perhaps it has become part of your routine and you don’t know what to do once you break up. Some of you continue on because the relationship still serves certain functional purposes, such as companionship or money. Yet, a relationship without the mutual feelings is like a body without a heart. There’s no soul or life in it. If you no longer have feelings for your partner, “staying” is doing neither one of you any justice, and more importantly, it’s going to weigh you both down from wanting to move on and live a better life. it’s best for your partner or YOU to part ways so you can move on to better people, better places, and better opportunities. If the other person doesn’t have feelings for you anymore, holding on to them – only drags out the misery..

Realize that “true love doesn’t always have a happy ending, because true love never ends – sometimes letting go is one way of saying I love you.” 

  Just because you love the person doesn’t mean you have to be with the person. True love exists outside of the physical fabric of a relationship. This is just an expression of love, but in no way – the single definition of love. Sometimes you both can’t stand eachother you really can’t be around eachother so the best way to improve your emotional and mental health – is to leave and move on..

5. Verbal, Physical and Mental Abuse

  Does the person that you’re currently in love with and you would do anything for – time after time again they hurt you? or use you? possibly hits on you? Physical, Mental and Verbal abuse is a HUGE RED FLAG and you need to GET OUT NOW! 

  Understanding that if your lover swears at you or hits you – “it’s not your fault” – you did “nothing wrong” in the relationship.. Your lover is messed up in the head and they need the help – NOT YOU.. Understanding that your current relationship is hurting you and you have the choice to fix it or to walk away – don’t continue to put up with the abuse like it’s okay and/or it’s “normal” when it’s clearly NOT.. You end up with whatever you’re willing to put up with – and you’re not taking responsibility for your situation you continue to make excuses because you’re afraid to be alone or maybe you feel like you can’t leave.. But you continue to put up with the abuse – you’re allowing your lover to continue to abuse you and you need to ask yourself how much longer are you willing to tolerate the abuse?? If your lover always promises to change and they don’t, and you keep giving them “chances” after “chances” and nothing is coming out of it – it’s time to END the relationship and move on..

  What about if you’re in a relationship with someone who is an addict or has an addiction, a gambler, a gamer, a cheater, or somebody who doesn’t care about themselves? But you always find yourself still there for them because you care about that person so much? No matter how bad they hurt you or lie to you, use you – “you’re still there for them”? But do they honestly care about you? if the table was turned would they provide for you like you provide for them? Do you understand that you’re feeding into their behavior – and your lover isn’t going to change unless you stop helping them out.. You need to STOP giving in and giving them their wants their needs to their “addiction”.. You have stop helping them out when they aren’t even trying to help “themselves” nor change who they are.. Let them wake up and see your true worth – STOP giving in… If they keep using you for their benefit, it’s time to “walk away”..

Rescuing someone who continues to make poor choices is not called love, it’s called “enabling”.. Stop enabling and refuse to be their safety net so that they can “grow up” and take some “responsibility” and “accountability” for their actions – you aren’t always going to be around to “save them”.

  If you’re the type of person who likes to give and share and you go out of your way for everybody but since you’re always there for them, and you’re always helping them out – they take you for granted and you need to learn to walk away from this type of relationship.. You invite them to a party and they show up to just eat the food and leave early – but they never bring anything to the party? Only time they ever come around – is if it only benefits them? Know when it’s time to move on.. Stop caring for people if all they’re going to do is hurt you, lie to you, and use you.. It’s time to let them go..

” You said that you will, but then you don’t. You said that you will change, but then you don’t.. It looks like I’m going to take this step on my own.. I know it will be hard for me to do this on my own.. We don’t even talk anymore.. You said that you will – but you never did.. All I ever did was show you love, and I was always there for you when I shouldn’t have, I should have left you.. All you ever did in return was lie to me, used me, and hurt me – that’s all you knew how to do.. Looks like I’m taking these steps now, I’m walking this road alone – on my own now “